TOOTSIE POP

A tootsie pop is a poor gift to give to your friend
It says “I care almost nothing about you”
“Also there is a distinct possibility that I found this in the back of a drawer and decided to give it to you totally disregarding its age, much like I totally disregard our friendship”

If you’re into destroying friendships a tootsie pop is a great gift to give
It says “Rather than doing nothing and just letting our friendship fade away I’ve decided to make a definitive statement. You know what this means”
It’s over

And in the end, when the day comes where we begin reevaluate our lives
we realize that the whole point of childhood is to foster an aversion to tootsie pops in order to protect us later in life against future disappointments